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Wednesday, November 23, 2005
  Best Headline Today:
Canon braces for arse-induced copier carnage | The Register

Canon braces for arse-induced copier carnage | The Register: "What Canon means by 'non-work-related' mostly revolves around the aforementioned 'rear-end copying'. Engineers report a 25 per cent increase in emergency call-outs over Xmas, and 32 per cent of the long-suffering copier Flying Squad has at some time repaired shattered glass.

Mind you, there's more to a Canon engineer's life than extracting a grainy likeness of Maureen from Human Resources' posterior from a wrecked, beer-soaked machine. Midlands-based David Salt explained: 'I had to repair a machine after a customer had held their pet cat down on copy glass and copied it,' while Dan Hunt of the South West admitted: 'I had to repair a machine that had its copy board glass smashed at a military base. They eventually admitted that it had fallen out the back door of their Chinook Helicopter.'

Items retrieved from ailing copiers make interesting reading too: mice, a sleeping cat, spiders, a crab, a swarm of bees, a cockroach, a snake, a kitchen knife, a sausage roll , stockings, dominoes, and a cheque for £6,000.

Ah yes, and a vibrator and a condom. Now that must have been one hell of an office party. ®
Bootnote

We understand that Canon has recently increased its glass plate thickness from 4 to 5mm, and accordingly expects a reduction in arse-induced failure. No, that is not an invitation for drunken pressure testing. Behave yourselves."
 
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